Yusuke Demon Exterminator Extraordinairre!
by CanaanAlshea
Summary: Yusuke is called on to rid an old woman's temple of a troublesome demon. Too bad he has no idea how to handle a kitsune...


Title: YUSUKE, DEMON EXTERMINATOR EXTRAORDINAIRE!  
Author: Yoko-cw  
Summary: Yusuke is called on to rid an old woman's temple of a troublesome demon. Too bad he has no idea how to handle a kitsune...  
Category: Humor

Brrrring.

Brrrring.

Yusuke groaned, poking his head out from under his covers and staring at his very loud cellphone. He willed it to burst into flames but, as usual, nothing happened. Cursing, he flipped the annoying device open and held it to his ear.

"Yusuke, you lazy bum, I know you were still asleep!" He held the phone away, hearing the shouting woman loud and clear from an arms' length away. "Keiko, it's 7:30. What the hell do you want?" he sighed, plopping back on his futon and scratching his head lazily. "Well," she snorted, "I was *going* to tell you that there was a job offer, but since you'd rather be sleeping, I guess I'll call her back and-"

"No no! Tell me, tell me already!" Yusuke moved rather quickly toward a pen and pad of paper, writing down the details as his coworker (and wife, unfortunately) read off the new assignment.

"Fushimi-ku...Kyoto, huh?" He murmered, shutting his phone and staring down at the pad of paper, "Weird. I thought that junkheap of a shrine would be abandoned by now..." Not one to turn down such a high-paying job, Yusuke pushed his curiosity aside and shoved scrolls and charms into his backpack.

"Woah...shit..."

Yusuke Urameshi felt a sweatdrop fall down his face as he stood before the intimidating red gates. Large statues of angry-looking kitsune stood on either side of the gate, making the young demon slayer feel very small and very inferior. "You can do this, Yusuke," he whispered, pumping his fist with determination, "Let's go! Yosh!" He rang the brass bell. The gate opened slowly.

And he was greeted by a very annoyed looking old woman.

"You the exterminator?" She said through her cigarette, looking at him up and down with an exasperated expression. "Yes ma'am," he puffed his chest out, "Yusuke, demon ext-"

"Whatever," she turned swiftly, "Follow me." He deflated, rubbing the back of his head tiredly, "...exterminator...extraordinaire...grumpy old hag."

"I heard that. Hurry up!" He straightened immediately, stepping carefully onto the property and taking notes as she explained the situation.

"It's only me that lives here. Lately there have been a lot of strange happenings throughout the temple...things being moved, falling over for no reason, extra characters written on important scrolls..." she then muttered something foul beneath her breath, "Nothing too terribly damaging, but certainly annoying."

"Something mischevious, huh...I think I can help," he said confidently, throwing items out of his bag in search for the correct scrolls. "Hn," she snorted, "Good. I have some errands to run, I should be back in about an hour. I ask that you do a thorough job, and for gods sake, don't anger the spirit. ...Dimwit."

He bowed quickly, grinning, "You got it!"

As soon as the woman shut the door behind her, the young man flipped open a rather thick book, trying to at least narrow down what kind of spirit he was looking for...

"Ah...here it is."

"There, that should do it!" Yusuke said, beaming, as he smoothed over the final charm to the gates of the shrine. "No more troublesome kitsune here!"

"Ne...what are you doing?"

"Exterminating a kitsu..." Slowly, he looked over his shoulder, coming face-to-face with someone very unfamiliar.

"Kit...kit...kitsune!" He cried out, scuttling backwards and holding a paper charm out in front of him, "Back, demon! I know how to use these." The fox's nose twitched, and he knelt in front of the young fighter, poking the charm with the tip of a sharp claw.

"I think it's broken," he said, cocking his head to one side.

"Begone, Bakemono-kitsune! (1) I cast thee out!"

"Bakemono..." The kitsune smiled and plucked the paper from Yusuke's grasp, tracking the chinese character with his claw and smiling softly, "I'm afraid this won't work on me...for you see, I am NOT a malevolent spirit."

The paper exploded in blue flame; Yusuke jumped back and clutched his fingers, shaking his head, "No...that's not possible," he went to grab another charm and was stopped by a cold hand on his wrist. "No need for that," the fox beamed, "I mean no harm here. I've been here for quite some time and have yet to do any real damage, you know."

The entity pulled Yusuke to his feet, and at that moment the young man saw how terribly tall the fox really was. Easily six feet.

"But...the old woman...she said-"

"Psh," Kurama waved his hand with a smile, "She's paranoid. Oh, by the way, my name is Kurama. I am, by your language, a Tenko (2). I have been here for many generations. You see, I am the guardian to this shrine and the family that has inhabited it for these last hundred years." Yusuke relaxed slightly, looking down at his charms and doubting their, and his, abilities. "Now now," the fox patted him playfully on the head, "Don't feel bad. You still have many years before you can make a proper o-mamori." (3) "Eh...?" He didn't understand; proper? What was he doing wrong?

"First of all," Kurama said, holding up the charm, "This is the wrong kind. As I stated, I mean no harm, so this would be useless in casting me out. What you need is a decent kokeshi (4) blessed by an actual priest or priestess. Or even Nag Champa (5) would do you more good than this silly thing," he smiled and twitched furry ears, "Understand?"

Yusuke could only nod dumbly, taking the paper when it was held out to him. The fox stood, stretching long limbs and staring at the pure blue sky. "It's such a lovely day," he sighed, "Now, why don't you go tell the old woman that she has nothing to be concerned about?"

"No," he had finally found his voice, shaking his head and standing tall, "I can't do that. She asked me to remove the spirit from this temple and I intend to do just that. I can't afford not to!" he looked down at his useless charms and resolved to rid the temple of the demon. "I'll be back for you, just mark my words." He stalked off without another word. Kurama sighed and smiled, resting his chin on an open palm, "Ah to be young and foolish again," he mused, "Oh well, no matter. He'll be back and shall fail again." He smiled, biting into inarizushi and waiting patiently for the young man to return.

Humans really were stupid.

"Time to bring out the big guns! No demon is gonna get the better of me, no sir!" Yusuke chuckled maliciously.

"Yusuke...what the hell are you doing?"

He scoffed at his wife, "Figures you wouldn't know," he ducked a fist aimed at his forehead, "I'm making exceptional charms to bring to that temple. Seems she's got a stronger demon than I thought!"

"Are you sure you can handle this?"

"Of course I am. Now, out of my way woman, there's money to be made!"

"Aaaaand, there." Yusuke grinned, nodding his head at the silk charm he'd placed on the oak tree. 'Let's see that demon get through this!'

"You don't know when to quit do you?"

He looked up to find the white haired deity lounging on one of the higher branches, lazily combing his hair with sharp claws.

"You just wait, I'll cast you out soon enough!" Kurama yawned, flipping effortlessly to lie on his stomach, one arm outstretched over the side, "I see. And how, praytell, will you manage that?"

Yusuke sweatdropped; he...hadn't really thought of a plan yet. "Tch. I don't have to explain myself to you!" He slung his backpack over his shoulder and hung a similar charm on the wall.

Kurama sighed, and watched the young man exhaust himself with spiritually charged blessings.

'What an idiot...'

Kurama yawned and stretched lazily, still perched in his tree and awaiting his new friend to see what sort of schemes he would have next. He looked down to see the boy, truely, he was a kit compared to the fox, praying over a bowl of rice. "Making an offering to Inari, are you?" he said, smiling with his head cocked to one side. "No," Yusuke sneered, "It's for good omens, meant to cast YOU out." Kurama laughed heartily, sliding to the ground and crouching next to Yusuke with a happy expression, "Gods, you really are a fool!" he laughed, poking the boy in the forehead. Yusuke cried out, falling back and rubbing the spot, "Knock it off!" he cried, "God, you're obnoxious!"

The fox laughed and stuck his tongue out, winking, "My, aren't you a sharp one? I may be a Tenko, but that doesn't mean I can't cause a bit of mischief."

"Look..." Yusuke said, dusting himself off, "I don't think you're evil, demon or not. Annoying as HELL maybe, but not evil. But it's my job to get rid of you, and to be honest, I really, really need the money. So I WILL get rid of you!" He puffed his chest off, beginning to walk toward his notebooks to find a different technique.

Kurama popped up next to him, lying on his stomach, chin on his palm. "You know," he said lightly, grinning, "There is one thing you haven't tried yet..."

"And what would that be, oh wise one?"

"You could just...ask me to leave, you know."

*BAM*

Yusuke fell face-first into the grass. He shot up, spitting out clumps of dirt and glaring at the happy youkai, "What?! Why didn't you just say so?!"

Kurama shrugged, "You never asked."

"Ugh," Yusuke groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Fine. Will you *please* leave?"

"Of course," the white-haired male stood, brushing himself off, "I shall, since you asked *so* nicely. However, I expect something in return..."

"YUSUKE!"

He ducked and dodged pillows and shoes being hurled at him.

"You're supposed to GET RID OF the demon, NOT BRING HIM HOME!"

Kurama had perched himself on the windowsill, grinning and playing cats' cradle, quite happy with the deal he'd made with the boy.

"Keiko, I made twice as much as I normally would because the hag was desperate! Doesn't that count for something?"

"NO!"

The fox laughed, "Not to worry, Mrs. Exterminator. I will not be *too* much trouble for you." He bit the middle of the string and pulled upward, "See, Yusuke-chan, I made the Eiffle Tower!"

"YUUUUUUSUKEEEEE I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR THIS!"

+END+

_NOTES 1: A sorcerer or evil fox._  
_2: Tenko. Celestial fox, kitsune which have reached 1000 years, seen as benevolent and wise._  
_3: O-mamori. Any number of lucky charms and protective seals. Commonly sold at japanese shrines._  
_4: Kokeshi, japanese luck dolls._  
_5: Nag Champa. Chinese incese sticks, said to cast out spirits. This would be pretty useless against a strong spirit like Kurama._


End file.
